When the word “positivity” is mentioned to me I feel my muscles tense, my lungs expand with a breath of air, and I wait for the onslaught. It’s normally spoken by someone who doesn't understand ME and is followed by “If you were more positive, you might be able to do more/get better faster/lead a normal”.
Needless to say there are few things that could be said that would wind me up more. Just because I accept my illness and that my body will need time to recover doesn't mean I'm not positive. Now I’m the first to admit having ME sucks, BIG time! I’m missing out on so much and having to deal with things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy; but like it or not there is nothing I can really do to change it, except rest.
When I went down to 0% I realised I had a decision, I could either give up allow the ME to win, wallow in a hole of depression, hating the world and watch my life slip past. Or I could do something about it. I could make the most of what I have, try and achieve as much as possible and use my energy to help other people, to stop them having to go to through all the things I've been through, or at least help them to know they're not alone.
Now by no means am I a “Pollyanna”. There are times no matter how hard I try I feel irritated with the world and fed up with life. I know I take it out on those around me and for those times I can only apologise. I’ve come to realise that it’s up to you to make yourself, you can’t rely on anyone else to do this for you, because if you do you’ll spend a lot of your life miserable. Through some of the toughest times of my life, I've actually been happier than I ever was before because I appreciate all the little things and I've come to realise what happiness is.
For me it's not possessions or living "normally", it's doing something and feeling satisfied and complete at the end of it, whether it's sticking a sticker on a card or putting together a web site. Everyday doesn't have to be about epic tasks or great adventures.
The world sells us an image of happily ever after, of what should make us happy; but in truth once you stop focusing on the whole and start concentrating on the little things in life, the detail and the beauty you see is amazing! For me, that's what life is all about.
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